Lopez plays Sharon Pogue, a Chicago police officer who comes off as a female amalgamation of Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson, and Steven Seagal. She routinely beats muscle-bound bad guys who are eight times her size into submission without incurring even a scratch. She is so dedicated to her job that she abhors such social activities as dating, even though she is stunningly beautiful. After all, this is still Jennifer Lopez.

Living in the neighborhood which Pogue patrols is a drifter known only as “Catch” (Jim Cavaziel). Catch has a constant blank stare and speaks slower than thick molasses pouring from a bottle. He does seem to have a good heart, though he takes in a stray dog, delivers groceries to a shut-in, recovers lost items to their rightful owners, turns off headlights on parked cars and even rolls up the open windows of these cars when it starts to rain. (There are a lot of unlocked doors in this movie. Perhaps Chicago is a lot more crime free than we think.)

Catch has had a crush from afar on Sharon Pogue, and some might even call it an obsession. When she is attacked by a group of thugs, Catch puts his life on the line by intervening and saving her from probable death. A grateful Sharon invites him to have coffee during a patrol break. Catch refuses to answer any questions about his life and sounds like a cross between Dustin Hoffman in “Rain Man” and Peter Sellers in “Being There” when he decides to respond to Sharon’s queries. Although it is obvious he has severe mental problems, she invites him back – for whatever reason -- to her apartment.

Reminiscent of 1973's “Last Tango In Paris,” they go on to have relationship in which they know little about each other. Things suddenly change when Sharon takes Catch out to one of Chicago’s many blues clubs. The bizarre Catch gets up from their table and marches to the stage where he grabs a trumpet and starts playing “Nature Boy” in the style of the late Chet Baker. It is at that point that Catch’s identity is revealed and his sad story is told in flashback form. Sharon then takes it upon herself to dispense psychiatric advice.

Throughout “Angel Eyes” we learn that Sharon grew up in a violent home where dad routinely beat up mom and that she even had her father arrested. She has not spoken to her father for the last ten years. Needless to say, that makes things a bit chilly when she attends her parents’ 30th wedding anniversary. “Daddy, please tell me that you want me here!” Sharon pleads over and over again in a seemingly endless scene to her icebox of a father who mumbles non-sequiturs in response. Lopez really turns the tears on in this scene. I, on the other hand, was crying to myself from the anguish of having to endure this film.

To show how domestic violence passes from one generation to another, Sharon’s sister-in-law calls 911 when she is physically attacked by Sharon’s brother Larry. Although other police officers respond to the call, Sharon takes it upon herself to show up in uniform at the arrest scene where she lands a right hook to Larry’s kisser. Despite the fact that she would be fired or probably even arrested for that action, nothing happens to her.

The best acting in this film is turned in by the city of Toronto, which does a nice job doubling for Chicago. It is a lot cheaper to film in Canada, so that is why this film was shot there. And since it is nickel-and-dime in every other respect, this fiscal prudence seems only logical.

Jennifer Lopez is one of the hardest working entertainers today. It seems that every other month she is starring in a new film, releasing a new CD, or cutting a new music video. My advice for her is to slow down and show more care in choosing her projects. Then again, maybe she signed on to this pathetic film simply to get away from the Sean “Puffy” Combs trial.

“Angel Eyes” comes up snake eyes in every sense.