Is there really any point in devoting a piece of serious musical journalism to Chevelle? They have already stolen roughly an hour from my life, an hour which I could have used to go fishing, to enjoy nature, to paint, to write, to run, to slam my head with a mallet repeatedly, to paper cut my eyes or to bury myself alive, any of which would have been better than listening to Point #1. I can not remember, in all of my years, ever having the extreme displeasure of listening to an album as awful as that which Chevelle has produced, nor can I recall when a band has both singled-handedly destroyed my faith in rock and roll and my will to live. Thus, instead of devoting the following page to reviewing this sorry excuse for music, I will devote this piece to being openly hostile to Pete, Sam and Joe Loeffler, the brothers that make up Chevelle. Did you know...that Chevelle spelled backwards is Ellevehc, which is actually Estonian for "large seal turd." A note to Pete, Sam and Joe: Your press release says that, at one point, you strapping young bucks were carpenters, and for the sake of those people whom you built chairs and/or houses for, I hope that you were better at that than you are at playing music. I'm trying to convince you boys to quit music and go back to carpentry. Please, please, please never pick up musical instruments again. Hammering nails is fun! Did you know...that Point #1 spelled backwards is 1# tnoip, which is actually Esperanto for "throw me into the volcano, my ears are bleeding!" A note to Steve Albini, producer of Point #1 : YOU PRODUCED IN UTERO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE GUYS?!?! Things I Would Rather Do Than Listen To Chevelle Again: Drink the blood of a virgin ram. Build houses for the Chilean forest people in the heat of the mid-day sun. Dive headfirst into Janet Reno's ass and set up a small sunglasses shanty inside. Rot in the ever-burning pits of hell. Strut naked through the hallowed halls of the Taj Mahal.
						Chevelle Point #1 Squint Entertainment Reviewed by Matt Portenoy