Ray Winkler (Woody Allen) is an inept bank robber who has recently been released from prison after serving a two-year sentence. Winkler is as nebbishy a felon as you will find (he is a Woody Allen character after all) and a loser in practically every sense except one. He is married to a strong, loyal woman named Frances (Tracey Ullman), whom he affectionately calls Frenchy, since that was her stage name when she was a stripper.

It constantly upsets Ray that he and his wife have menial jobs and live in a cramped apartment. Ray wants to pull just one big heist in which he could make enough money to retire to Miami and spend his days at the dog track. A light bulb goes off in his head when he notices a vacant store two doors down from a bank. Ray figures that if he can use the store as a front, he can slowly dig a tunnel under the bank and break into its safe. Ray calls in his old dim-witted gang (actors Jon Lovitz, Michael Rappaport, and Tony Darrow in wasted cameos) to help him. Of course, their Three Stooges-like misadventures are quite predictable.

To prevent anyone from suspecting his game plan, Ray has his wife open a cookie shop, since her confections have always been a hit with friends. Frenchy's cookies are so in demand that Manhattanites line up for 30 minutes just to buy one. Ray gives up trying to rob a bank when he realizes that he will make more dough with his wife's cookie dough. Frenchy's cookies are so successful that Ray is able to get them franchised, and he and Frenchy suddenly find themselves Park Avenue millionaires.

The joke is that Ray finds himself more unhappy as a rich man than he was as a poor schnook. Frenchy has grown fond of escargot while Ray longs for the delight of a plebeian cheeseburger. Frenchy wants to become a socialite who can mingle with the elite, while Ray would much rather go see the Mets than visit the Met.

It upsets Frenchy that she is viewed as a parvenu by the old money folks, whose acceptance she desperately wants. She is enamored with an art dealer named David (Hugh Grant), who plays Professor Henry Higgins to Frenchy's Eliza Doolittle. This is a role Grant was born to play, and he does so with relish. Ray gamely tries to go to the opera, ballet, and art museums with Frenchy and David, but he quickly and wisely gives up. He fears that his wife will outgrow him.

Woody Allen has a blast paying tribute to his favorite shows and television programs. He openly credits "My Fair Lady" during the film. Although he does not mention "The Honeymooners" by name, it is obvious that he and Ullman are playing a modern version of Ralph and Alice Kramden. To underscore that fact, Allen's last line in the film is "You're the greatest, baby!" with a Jackie Gleason-like intonation.

"Small Time Crooks" is a likable enough film, but if I wanted to watch "The Honeymooners," I wouldn't need to go to a movie theater to do so.