The commercialism that plagued last year’s tour showed no sign of slowing down, yet the bands still managed to rock. Hard. The dirt that infested last years concert showed even fewer less of a sign of slowing down and the mosh pits still managed to create dustbowls worthy of an Okie in the great depression. Add to this some really intense heat that pervaded the month of July which turned the sweaty crowd into a slamming mass of battle worn soldiers in the midst of war with cleanliness. And through some sort of alternative math, all these elements added up to a hell of a good time!

Warped Tour ‘99 had lineup changes up until almost the day of the show itself. Most notably, Cypress Hill was out... and white boy rapper, Eminem, was in. This proved to be a not-so-smart move, but more on that later. On the mainstage, which was really two different stages abutting one another, great, yet short, sets were offered up by the likes of Sevendust and Bouncing Souls. H2O got things going even harder, if that was possible. With barely a half-hour each, there was just time for a band to get into things before their allotted time was up.

Eminem certainly did not grab the crowd the way the other artists did, though he did manage to have a good hold on his penis throughout almost his entire set. Virtually masturbating, it was apparent that at least he is enjoying his newfound success! The crowd, on the other hand, almost booed him off. With every call and response rap that he would attempt, the audience would answer back with “Fuck You.” Pretty humorous. He actually stopped the “band”, which included his entire touring set up of one DJ, and addressed the crowd after being hit by something: “Whoever did that has a really small dick!” OK. Gotcha Eminem. The boy clearly has a one track mind. While he got part of the crowd going, the rest of the crowd was gone, probably to the Second set of stages, where great bands the likes of Orange 9MM and Long Island’s own Edna’s Goldfish were playing. The way things kept flowing, there was absolutely no way to see all the groups you wanted to at Warped. There was just too much distance and not enough time between bands.

Blink 182’s drummer was ill, so they tried, and succeeded, with a quirky move... using drummers from the other bands present to each play a song or two. The constant flow of different timekeepers kept the other boys on their feet, and added some funny moments as well. A nice job by all those filling in though. These guys must have an amazing management team, since they somehow seem to be crossing over into the teen market, normally bottled up by the likes of 'N Sync and such. More power to you guys. Like all previous Warped ventures, the show travels with virtually no light setups, so they must be over by sundown... 8:30 or so. A very conservative ending to a not-so-conservative, fun day.